¿Qué hago con esto?

¿Cómo respiro, cómo sonrió después de todo esto?

¿Cómo curo las heridas que no veo? ¿que no toco?

Mentiras… 

Creíste que no podía soportar la verdad, y preferiste mentirme. 

Y yo, descubro la mentira de la forma más simple.

Caminaba por un bulevar, inocente de mi próximo advenimiento. Concentrada en tareas simples; sonreír, hablar, divagar, caminar. Hasta que me viste, me llamaste con  tus ojos para que te viera y cuando te vi, fingiste no verme. 

Y aquí me encuentro, soportando una verdad que jamás te atreviste a decirme

I  remember new faces, old faces, a handful of people I’ve met while intoxicated, people I’ve loved, people I’ve left, still trailing behind like vapour. I remember Bach at one in the afternoon and Bright Eyes at one in the morning and Joy Division playing on repeat for three whole days.  I  remember chemicals. Cigarettes that aren’t your usual brand. I have two cuts on your shin, three bruises. I remember being lonely. I don’t remember the last time I ate. I remember a chessboard hidden underneath his bed that’s missing most of the pieces; He has lost a white rook and a black knight and the white queen, that I’ve replaced with a small lipstick, a lighter, a tin of english breakfast tea. I  remember slow hands on naked skin and having the person I love most  whispering to me, lying in bed in lazy configurations
.

My friend has band called Ron.

Check them out y'all,they are pretty great.

When God Shot Sher.

The Famous Grouse.

Their facebook and bandcamp.

         You never really understand how bearable pain is until you’ve been consumed by it. Until you’ve felt it over and over again. After a while it becomes familiar. Greet your sadness like an old friend. There is no escape, so embrace it. Fall apart under the weight it inflicts upon you, weight like bricks, like cars, like tonnes of guilt and remorse in a tangible form. Let it hold you down until you’re so exhausted that you think you will crumble trying to support your own weight. Let it take you as far as you can go, and then, fight back. Fight back and win. Win,win for once in this battle.

And then just live.

Live for the moments when you know you don’t want to live anymore, live in spite of that.

Live because it hurts. 

Live because if it hurts, it means you’re still here.